Breaking Open the Black Box

The Secrets and Stories of Game Design

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What is a Master?

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When you stop and think about a person who has mastered their craft, we nerds often think of ancient swordsmen, incredible artists and powerful orators. The next step is often to describe a masterpiece created by  their handiwork.

Bruno Walpoth is a great example of a traditional master. His incredibly lifelike figures are the work of hundreds of hours of toiling away at the these masterpieces.

When you stop and look at this single work, you can instantly see the masterful craftsmanship, attention to detail and eye for lighting that went into the creation and presentation of his beautiful figures.

While anyone can agree that his work is incredible, it is nearly impossible for you or I to look at this and know what it takes to become a master sculptor of wood. An experienced wood worker might have a little bit more luck – they could describe his techniques, the choice of wood or varnish used to coat it.

It is ultimately this gap in knowledge, tools and experience that causes us to separate ourselves from those we call masters.  And it is this separation that prevents us from reaching out and trying to close that gap.

So let me show you someone else I view as a prime example of a master:

“Wait, are you serious, Alex? A street performer?”

Yes. If you wish to understand what is that defines a master, you need look no further. This man has taken the simplest of side jobs and turned it into a thing of beauty.  The great thing about this man, is that there is no doubt in the minds of anyone that they can make cotton candy.

Cotton candy is pretty easy. Reach into a machine, pour in the sugar, swirl a paper baton and viola – a delicious dental problem!

So what is it that separates how we’d make cotton candy from him? Let’s point out the obvious first.

  • He’s dancing
  • He can make cotton candy in multiple shapes
  • He can weave the candy a long distance away from the basin
  • He freely gives away bits of the candy
Are you still with me?
These are the surface level behaviours that indicate his mastery to us. The next step is to understand what they mean. 
  • Dancing
    1. He enjoys what he does
    2. He is healthy and effective  
    3. He can afford the extra effort of dancing in addition to performing the basic task
  • Shape Control
    1. He has done this many times before
    2. He doesn’t limit himself to producing the same thing repeatedly
    3. He remembers the details to control the outcome
  • Distance
    1. He can influence the material indirectly
    2. He has pushed the limits of what he can create
    3. He knows how far he can go and still produce a product
  • Giveaway
    1. He knows how to keep a crowd nearby
    2. He keeps those who watch engaged in the performance
    3. He has an abundance mentality
Now take these qualities and project them onto any master you know. Often, if you experiences are like mine, you’ll see they express the same qualities.
A successful business friend of mine said to me, “Starting a business wasn’t really that hard. Becoming the kind of person who could run a business was.”
Wise words. 

On Heroes and Hero Worship

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There’s two ways people naturally relate to someone you perceive as a hero: worship and degradation. Neither of these is useful. Worship leads to awe and paralysis. Degradation leads to malice and blindness.

I remember the first time I experienced both in the same day.

First a bit of background – while in middle school, I secretly wished to be a comic book artist. I would draw a frames on the back of every test my teachers handed back to me. In college, my friends finally persuaded me to go with them to a convention in Minnesota.

I was elated to learn that Pete Abrams of Sluggy Freelance, a whimsical, sci-fi web comic, would be there. I’d started reading Sluggy with my friend and secret-penpal/crush, Amy Clark a few summers back. His simple art style and witty writing had given me hope that I could do something half as cool someday.

Volunteering behind the scenes at the convention, I readily chatted, enjoyed drinks and talked game theory for hours in the break room with some of the guests. In fact, I didn’t even know who many of them were until years later. You may recognize them by the names Fred Gallagher, Steve Jackson and Neil Gaiman.

Then I ran into Pete randomly during the convention. Bam. I awkwardly stumbled and stammered through a conversation and he politely invited me to join him after the con for board games and hanging out by the pool.  I was elated and excitedly asked where we’d meet up.  He said the volunteer break room, around 9.

Right on the dot, I was waiting outside at 9. Waiting… waiting…. around 10 one of the other volunteers, a kindly older woman came by inviting people inside to play a card game. Somehow, I won and was awarded with a fuzzy plastic flower. With a jolt, I realized I was supposed to be waiting outside and hurried back out the door.  Finally, around 11, Pete showed up.

He gave me a curt nod and started walking, so I followed pace. When we finally reached the elevator, he turned to me and said… “Uh… are you stalking me?”

“What?” I replied in shock.

“You know, stalking. Following me around.”

Frantically, I replied, “Oh, I thought we were going to play board games with your friends. Remember, you invited me this morning? What makes you think I’m stalking you.”

“Well, not many people follow me around carrying flowers.”

I looked down at the plastic, red flower in my hand. “Oh uh, ha, you know, that’s funny, because you see there was this lady and… well, but you can have it if you want it! It’s kinda bendy… uhmm…”

With a confused look on his face, Pete replied, “I think I’m going to just go to bed.”

“Oh. Right. Sure! Sorry, about that.”  I left the elevator in incredible embarrassment.

After he was gone, I immediately flipped. Who the hell was he to forget me like that? Man, you know what – he’s terrible anyways. Who cares what a balding old guy like that thinks!

When I finally got back to Rochester, I asked myself… what happened? With incredible insight, my friend Luke Morgan of DubThis said, “You defined yourself as different than him. In that moment, you lost sight of who they really are and stopped being who really were.”

Ever since that day, I set aside that kind of hero worship and tried to see people for who they are, not for what they have or what they could do for me. And that has made all of the difference.

My Last Will and Testament

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This may seem strange, but after watching the stress my friend’s family went through looking for his will and not finding it, I hereby choose to place mine in a public place to be easily found. If you haven’t put one together, do so now. It won’t take you long, then have a friend sign it.

Finances:

All of my financial holdings should be divided up according to the % distributed specified and on record at my financial manager, Tom’s office. Tom has my father’s contact information and will reach out to him or my brother Jason within a week of my death.

All private savings plans contain negligible amounts of cash and all of them list my brother Jason to act as executor of the funds.

Repayment of Debt:

All of my major debts have already been repaid as of the writing of this document.

Credit-cards are automatically assigned to clear against my bank accounts monthly.

Teammates:

In the situation where I perish without a specific contingency plan for any businesses or organization, all cash holdings will first have the pending month’s wages deducted and paid accordingly. Then any remaining assets will divided equally between all employees, who may then collectively elect to continue the project or not. If there’s a stock plan, then holdings should be distributed according to those percentages instead.

Material Possessions:

I have gotten rid of the majority of my physical possessions already.  My clothes should be donated to a local chapter of the Salvation Army or donated directly to the homeless of Burbank or Pasadena. Items of personal interest can be given to family members first, then friends.

As of the writing of this document, my material possessions are in the storage unit of my friend Rayna Trickett. Nothing there is of remarkable value, an online auction should be held and the proceeds donated to the Cass Rawat charity foundation. My car is in the possession of Michael Maindl, who also possesses the title and instructions to take ownership of the vehicle if another party who identity he knows declines to take ownership of it.

My sister retains first right to claim any specific anime or video game items she wants.  All of the items available for transfer on my Steam and Humble Bundle accounts should be distributed via lottery to my twitter followers (@xelnath).

Remains:

As a registered organ donor in the state of California, handle that as expected. Despite Jason Wishnov’s best intentions, I am declining his proposition that I join him in being decapitated and cryogenically suspended.

Any additional remains should be cremated. If I managed to make it to all seven continents before I die, please dump the remaining ashes in the Pacific, ideally somewhere between French Polynesia and the Cook Islands. If I did not, please scatter my ashes anywhere on continental Antarctica. I elect either my youngest daughter or my brother Jason to complete this mission in my stead.

Memorial Ceremony & Outreach:

Most of my life has been spent connecting with and relating with the people and players of my titles online.  Two small, outdoor memorials should be held open to the public, one in LA for my friends and connections there and another wherever is convenient for those who have to handle my affairs.
Please post an announcement for the memorial to all of my social media accounts with the following request for favorite stories and memories not about me but about someone else they met in their lives or an experience they had developing or playing games I’d been blessed to work on.  These should be collected via my public email address (xelnath@xelnath.com).

The ceremony should be held 1 or 2 weeks after the notice given, such that people who wish to attend have the chance to

At the ceremony, I would like no religious observance, preferring instead for an hour outside, accompanied by jazz like the kind from Season 1, Episode 15 of Star Trek: TNG.  If this seems absurd, that’s exactly the point. Funerals are selfish things; the purpose is for those touched and left behind to share and connect. My wishes mean little, but endure them anyways please. Make it a comfortable place to share, relax and cry. Feelings were a constant struggle for me, but so it is. Please read the following:

“Funerals are selfish things. This one is dedicated to you, the ones who came, that you can experience the feelings you aren’t sure how to feel. To endure the moments in the future that suddenly seem strange or uncertain.  Feel sadness if you need it. Feel anger if you need it. Feel disgust if you need it. Feel joy if you need it.  Feel lust for ogling that unexpectedly attractive person who showed up if you need it.

Experience all of these feelings and in turn your mind will feel what it needs to feel and heal in the ways it needs to heal. Know the emotions come in waves and sometimes the worst times are when you think you needed to feel something, but didn’t feel anything. That’s okay, you’re okay, everything is fine.  Just be the version of you that you need right now.  Then be the person you need to be tomorrow too  – or even the day after.

I will never know the version of me that you saw in your own eyes – and you will probably never know the version of you that I saw in mine… but perhaps, sharing now, in this moment, through grief, joy, humor or nostalgia, you’ll find someone else who understands a part of you a bit better.  Perhaps, though, you’ll remember that you’re still human and deeply lost feelings rise again to the surface. Perhaps, you’ll be even 1% better at understanding what another person is going through around you right now. This sliver and moment of empathy is a brilliant and beautiful thing. Embrace it.

In my world, I only succeeded two times:  when I created an experience that brought my players and audience joy; when one of my colleagues smiled one day and told me gratefully thank you for helping her – and that she’d asked me to handle it because I was good with people. The latter was – and is – an eternally difficult and challenging trial for me and will continue to be the greatest challenge of my life.

If something that happens today helps you be kind to even one other person for one moment in life, it was a death worth dying.

Thank you for coming. Please embrace and comfort those who need your support around you.

Then go grab a drink, listen to some Jazz and be ridiculous for an evening.”

Internationally

During my travels, I made many friends far and abroad. Please notify them by using WhatsApp and the remainder of my unlimited text and data plan to send whatever thoughts they’d like to have shared. Please don’t forget them; particularly the awesome Aussies, Austrians and Albanians who gave me an incredible amount of cheers and hospitality during my travels.

Relationships

All of my exes are welcome to speak or attend. I apologize now in advance for everything that I did after this message… and about half of the stuff I did before. I’m sure the other half was at least 20% you and 20% the situation. Blame the rest on me 😛

Family

Mom, quite frankly, yeah, we didn’t get along. I loved you though; don’t doubt that.

Dad, you abandoned me in the desert of the Grand Canyon for hours. That was a pretty dick move for having been decent for the 33 years beforehand.

Jonathan and Ariana – your family is beautiful and you guys are kind. Be equally as nice to the people less fortunate than you.

Jason – thank you for being reliable. You’re kinder than people think – and they already think you’re kind. Please stop saying mean things to sound tougher. This isn’t a crime syndicate.

Grandma Ray – you were an inspiration to my entire life. Thank you for teaching me the value of entrepreneurship.

Friends

David Zheng – thanks for setting me right so many times.

Michael Erin – thank you for helping an egotistical kid when he needed help.

Tom Cadwell – thank you for being the hero I needed – and the human being you actually were.

Jerry Prochazka – thank you for being blunt – and for the introduction to the people you thought were worthwhile and respect-worthy. I will miss our life-planning chats.

Colt Hallum – thank you for having faith in me even when others told you you couldn’t handle it. You made a world of difference.

Emily Ozer – thank you for being my guide to Europe and bold enough to set me straight about the realities of modern travel!

To Ashleigh, CMac and Stephen, please meet up and having a 40 in my memory, you dirty alcoholics. 🙂

To the kid who came to Blizzard from Alaska with his Dad and went out of his way to mail me a hat with a Salmon and a Polar Bear – thank you – and I’m sorry I never wore it, but hats just aren’t my thing. I hope you found your path back to the land of snow.

To the Totino’s Pizza Kid from the Irvine Game Stop who messages me incessantly on steam, I’m glad you finally took the time to get into development and hope you always find your way back to your passion.

To everyone else, I stopped here because I was feeling lazy and wanted to get back on with my life. Hope you’ll forgive me.

Thank you for a wonderful life,

Alexander Brazie

aka, Xelnath

(P.S. Zerglinator, I am leaving you personally responsible for making sure this gets retweeted/faceblogged/whatever is cool when I pass away, cuz you’re worth more than you know and more than you believe of yourself. )

ALRIGHT, enough of this ridiculousness.  If you’re a lawyer and there’s something important I should have included here, leave a comment and I’ll fix this document next week.